i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
