Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
