seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
