Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
