I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize