The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize