so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
