I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
