Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We left the knife in your bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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