I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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