How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
