The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why is half of my head shaved?
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