i will never coherently bang her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
