i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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