The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
