They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
