i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
