If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
