You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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