so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
