Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
