Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
