found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
