Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
