I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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