pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
