Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
