Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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