I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
