Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
