Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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