I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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