I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
