eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
