Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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