If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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