I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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