I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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