What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
