There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
