She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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