The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
