Say something about gay babies.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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