you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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