Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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