Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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