ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
