All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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