so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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