it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
