1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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