i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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