Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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