if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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