cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
