no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
