Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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