That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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