are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
