he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she pinky promised me she was 18
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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