I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
