Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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