I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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