Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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