I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize