you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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