I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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