how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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