Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
