I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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