I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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