Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
