I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
