My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You made out with two different species that night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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