I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
