she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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