check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
