I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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