You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
