sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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