How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
