Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
