I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
