I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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