You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
