What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
