Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
